Poor Alice has been up all night nursing Heston, who has an appalling bill-ache. Heston is about to be taken to the doctors, in other words he will soon be “Under the Doctor”.
In certain areas of Wales, there is an idiosyncratic way of categorising the severity of illness as follows.
1) BAD (pronounced baaard) – A minor self limiting condition.
2) UNDER THE DOCTOR – A condition which a patient or their family feels is severe enough for a medical professional to pronounce upon.
3) BAD in BED – A condition which warrants a degree of bed rest.
4) BAD in BED UNDER THE DOCTOR – Numbers two and three combined. The neighbour’s curtains will be twitching.
5) SINKING FAST – Self explanatory. Usually involving hospital treatment and long waits in draughty A&E departments to be admitted.
Poor Heston just when he was beginning to feel better…